Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
