i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
