I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
