i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
