just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
