My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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