Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
