Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize