never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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