yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
