I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
