she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
