So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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