Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
COCAINE IS GR8
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
