I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
