I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
