Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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