i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
