Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
