I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
