Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The best revenge is premature balding
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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