I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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