You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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