remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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