just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
