We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
