We're like a lot better than the average bears
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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