Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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