...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
