thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
