im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize