i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
