I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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