I think my vagina is haunted
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
