the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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