found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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