my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
