Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
