My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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