Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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