Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
