New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
