I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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