She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
