hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
