Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
