Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
