Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
