Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
