i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
