I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
