Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
