I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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