if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
