Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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