Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
