____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
