theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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