You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
