I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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