Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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