Fine. I'll sleep in my office
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
