I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
