Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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