So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
