her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
