I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
