You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
