How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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