Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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