When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
