I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
