I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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