i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
