I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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