I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
