Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
