Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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