if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
