don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
