Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
