Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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