I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
