i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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