Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
