the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
