I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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