you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
