now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize