oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
