Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
