so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
